A few weeks away from my 50th birthday, I have come to realise
that the greatest gift I can give myself is to accept a few things in my life,
to know that there's nothing I can do about them except move on calmly.
That there will always be some people in front of whom I 'll be
tongue-tied, at a loss for words. It could be because they are superior in
intelligence and knowledge, but there will also be some whose incredible
stupidity I shall never be able to match.
That the tunes in my mind will never sound the same when I give
voice to them, the paintings I can see so clearly will never ever see a canvas.
That there will always be people who will love me unconditionally,
for no reason that I can think of.
A poem/song/ movie or book that touches me WILL bring tears to my
eyes, so instead of trying to hide them I must learn to wipe them away calmly.
That one by one my loved ones will make an exit and so will I.
That the gap left by them has to be filled in with happy memories
and smiles.
I must learn to let my daughter go, to stop worrying about her so
that she can go ahead with her life and stop worrying about me.
To accept that my inability to deal with certain matters, my
dependence on others, is a problem to be dealt with. It doesn't make me
despicable( in a personal world filled with super independent women)
That misunderstandings will always be a part of life, however
clearly I feel I've spelt out something. Each person has her own mental sieve
and the will to wield it in her own way.
To let be people who are grumpy and unsocial/ mean. Why should I
let them spoil my joy?
Most importantly, to keep in mind that inspite of the 'there's
some good in all of us' conditioning, I need not make excuses for all the mean
people I come across. Surliness, pettiness and irresponsibility are excusable
only till the age of 12.
That more than half of my life is over. There have been many joys
and some sorrows, many right and wrong decisions---but one thing is definite.
There isn't enough time to dwell on the past-- the present and the future are
not long enough now to allow that indulgence!
And lastly , that my prose is often poetic but I cannot write a
line of poetry.
